Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Xmas Cheers and Jeers

As Christmas nears I am reminded about all of the wonderful things of this time of year. Unfortunately, I am also reminded of the crappy things that go on this time of year. What better way to talk about all of these things than through a long missed cheers and jeers section. In celebration of Ryan's Rants and Raves first Christmas I give you, Christmas 2005 Cheers and Jeers.
  • Cheers to presents - who are we kidding? Yeah, it is nice to give presents to people to make them happy, but everyone loves GETTING presents. There are only two days a year when you can expect presents, Xmas and Birthdays, so whats wrong with trying to get all you can out of it?
  • Jeers to shopping for presents - Actually, the shopping isn't really the bad part, it is all the other people out shopping too. Seriously, I think half the moronic population in the world stays at home until it is time to shop for Christmas presents.
  • Cheers to family - Even though it can be tough to try and remember the name of your second cousin once removed from your mom's side, or to listen to your crazy Aunt "Sally" tell all kinds of off the wall stories, but it is always nice to get around family and just kind of forget about everything else for a short time. And after all, it only lasts for a day.
  • Jeers to working retail for Xmas - see Jeers above. It's not my fault if there is something you want that is not in stock. If you wait until the week before Christmas to shop, shit is going to be sold out. Period. If I have one more customer come up and tap me on the shoulders, ask me if I am busy (when I clearly am), request for me to walk clear across the store when there is another associate right next to the shit they are looking for, then get mad at me for selling it to some other person who planned ahead in their Xmas shopping, I am probably going to knock them out.
  • Cheers to white Christmas lights - call me old fashioned, but I like it kept simple. White lights that outline your house are enough for me. I guess as I get older and have kids that might change, but for now I just like some simple lights.
  • Jeers to Finals - an inevitable part of the holidays that really put a damper on the beginning of any celebration.
  • Cheers to the Grinch - Rumor has it that last year on Christmas day his heart grew 4 sizes. This year he has been an excellent donor to the Angel Tree Network, and Toys For Tots. A great comeback story for people of all ages.
  • Jeers to Christmas in October - or November. I love Christmas as much as the next person, but when retail stores start having Xmas sales before Halloween, or people start putting up Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving, I really have a problem with that. There are dates on the calendar for these holidays for a reason. Celebrate them in order. The few exceptions to this rule is my birthday (everyone should celebrate me all year around), 4th of July (there is never a bad time to blow stuff up), and St. Patrick's Day (am I crazy for seeing little green leprechaun's all year?). Each one of the aforementioned holidays are acceptable to celebrate all year 'round.
  • Cheers to Santa Claus - some kid in third grade told me there was no Santa. Well, Joey, if there is no Santa, how come I get presents under the tree from him every year? Have you ever seen the movie the "Miracle on 34th Street"? It's a biography. Santa is real, his presents are real, his reindeer are real, and his elves are real. You will never convince me otherwise.
  • Jeers to "A Christmas Story" - Every year that dumb movie plays all day long on Christmas. Here's a break down of the plot. Some dumb kid gets his tongue stuck to a pole and shoots himself with a BB gun. I think after 20 years, we can stop playing that movie on repeat.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.


At 7:50 PM, Anonymous zach said...

I like "a christmas story". I at least watch it once. It is a little ridiculously out played, but it is tradition none the less.

At 9:45 PM, Blogger Heather said...

And that kid in "A Christmas Story" rocks that pink bunny suit.


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